the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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