Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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