bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
