You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
