I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
