i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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