If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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