I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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