guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
