Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We have started to decorate penises.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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