Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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