you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
