my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Floor bacon is actually really good
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
