Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
