Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
