How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
