she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
