4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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