Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
