i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
