Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
