No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
