If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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