Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
