just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
