There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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