you traded sex for a burrito?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize