Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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