my sisters under your porch take her home
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
