LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
