her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
