Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
