Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
