imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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