I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize