the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
