Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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