I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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