Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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