I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Who put my cat in the fridge?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
