My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
