Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
