Your face is a jimmy john
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
