its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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