those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
