I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
