she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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