my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
