It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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