if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
