last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
