my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
