when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
