I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
