i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
