Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
