Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
