The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
