i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
