Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
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i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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