if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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