AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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