K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
