Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
