i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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