Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
