Church boner. Awkwardddd
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
