you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
