i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
