Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
