sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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