enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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