i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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