Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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