she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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