She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
