Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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