Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
