The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
