do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We have started to decorate penises.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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