dude i'm inner monologue high
my being single is dangerous.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
