Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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