he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
