BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
