I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
