i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
