you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
you inspire me to be a worse person
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
