wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Randomize
