You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
