is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
