new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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