My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
