i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
