I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
