Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
