My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
