when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
this beer tastes like vomit already
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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