He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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