I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
