last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Randomize
