i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
