i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
