We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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